me: ugly people exist to make pretty people stand out
me: so that's my contribution to society
me: you're welcome
galifianafuck: leevanlee: barbieisahoe: when you write a sentence and it rhymes why is his hands black and his face is white because he’s half black and half white WHAT DO YOU THINK ALBERT EINSTEIN
A Gordon Ramsay poem
gordonramsaypoetry: All of your risottos are the worst risottos I’ve ever met.
i hate when someone is pretty and also funny like stop that you only get one
valerieparker: girlwiththekey: valerieparker: alfredtheherothatswho: I THREW A KID IN THE WELL DONT ASK ME ILL NEVER TELL I WILL REGRET THIS IN HELL BUT HE WAS IN MY WAY I’LL TRADE YOUR SOUL FOR A WISH DAMNATION AND SIN FOR A KISS I WASN’T LOOKING FOR THIS BUT YOU WERE IN MY WAY YOUR GLARE WAS HOLDIN’ RIPPED SPLEEN, SKIN WAS ROLLIN’ DARK NIGHT, BLOOD WAS FLOWIN’ WHERE YOU...
pleaseremembermefondly: charlisheen: you know what i want to know how the fuck did mr salt and mrs pepper make a fucking cinnamon shaker for a baby solve that mystery steve THAT IS PAPRIKA YOU IGNORANT SLUT
louitsgottabeyou: Remember when Troy didn’t want any of his friends to know he liked to sing so he broke into a song in the middle of their practice?
ricardo1470: parasailin-sarahpalin: if you call me gay one more time i swear to god i will suck your fucking dick Nice
modmad: We interrupt your usual schedule to bring you a very small pig descending a set of stairs.
christianmingle: one time i was in a pringles ad and all the kids from my school found it and people started making it their profile pictures and printing it out and calling me pringle boy it was a rough month
rupindah: If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say, “Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
oh-sn4p: i bet you the founder of bing uses google
fewfoundglory: click and drag u now have an actual ghost haunting ur dash ooo
ifyoucarryonthisway: i honestly hope im still wearing band shirts when im 50 like i really dont wanna be that middle aged woman wearing brown sandals and khaki capris and a pink polo please god anything but that
graystripe: do you ever get like this random pain in your boob and it feels like heart attack or something
is it rude to kill yourself in the middle of class
assiest: you can’t spell thug without hug
my sister: when is anne frank gonna write a second book her first one was pretty good
bagelchips: shoutout to the kid that whispers the answer to you when the teacher calls on you but you weren’t paying attention
h0odrich: readmor: waterblender: readmor: TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTTLE STAR HOW IWONDER WHERE U R UP ABOVE THE WORLD SO HIGH HIGHER THAN A MOTHERFUCKA
friend: you know you shouldn't write on your skin with a pen like that, you can get ink poisoni-
me: o-OH MY GOD
I CAN SEE THE LIGHT
THE INK IS SEEPING INTO MY VEINS CALL THE POLICE
TELL MY PARENTS I LOVE THEM